excerpts from my personal diary:i feel so useless. the fact tt the result of a discussion is 2:1 not in favour of me, jux bump me.. n still does.. for once i felt so sure tt i could feel it once more, like how i used to n now tis happens..

nuthin i do is ever good enough.. noone takes notice of me.. its alwaes like look at her, he's good, wat a great body she have, baik ar ____.. there's even those made like rite beside me n its like to hurt me.. there's tis certain sumone who is so doin it on purpose every single time..like hurtin me is all that matters.. n i do get hurt instantly.. tts why i nd to stop bein tt wae.. stop takin everythin in.. comments shld be taken like a passin wind.. ppl out there are jugdemental n very inconsiderate to ppl's feelins..

ppl dun take notice of me.. when there's an outin or performance, ppl will alwaes notice tis few bunch of ppl like u noe who.. wanna get to noe them, admire them sumhow.. its alwaes the same ppl.. y dun ppl take notice of me.. like is my face tt ugly or am i not an appealin person.. kay, fine.. i noe im not the type to get 2nd head-turns from ppl around.. but there was tis period of time when i did.. maybe i am gettin uglier..

tink its true tt when ure so used to lookin at sumone perform, u'ld wanna see sumone new..
worse still if tt sumone new is better then u'll jux lose out on the number of eyes lookin at u

it hurts to noe tt my friendship has been form for a longer time than it has been for a fwen n another fwen but seems like its better for me to not exist at all.. nuthin is saved or even kept in ur memories like how it is for u guys.. am i like invisible or insignificant.. nice goin there, tryin to cover up, actin all nice, tryna be understandin, appearin active.. god, i shld have known.. then again who am i to stop all tt.. *takin a step back*

when an outin is bein planned on impulse, theres alwaes tis qn tt goes, is _____ goin?, no, then i dun wanna go.. maybe they dun really sae tt reply but it so obvious with one's tone in delivery of speech.. like hello.. im like so much more of a fun person to begin wit.. i tink loads of ppl are takin me for granted..like im fadin away sumhow.. am i really.. why dun ppl realise tt im the one who have alwaes been around.. its like when ppl go nywhere, surely i'll be there if i was inform.. i dun make excuses like mak tak kasi kluar..duh.. then again i dun really have a family.. but still im alwaes ard.. maybe ppl are takin me for granted cuz of my everlastin presence.. they tink like he will alwaes be there so wat the hell, let's not give a damn..

maybe i shld jux go m.i.a.. u tink i shld.. shld i..hmm.. well well..

nywyaes, tis is jux sumthin in relation to sumthin tt i jux got to noe:U are such a shameless male whore, goin behind sumone's back n u noe tt sumone trusts u alot, the fact is u went behind his back n did sumthin tt is of an eplicit behaviour, it proves tt ure selfish, ignorant n self-absurd.. u planned it all along when u noe tt its not within ur reach, so u wait till it all goes accordin to plan n u pounce on tt rite moment.. u nvr stop to consider how its gonna affect his feelin.. fuck u for doin tt.. u dun deserve ny kind treatment or watsoever, to tink tt u can fool him by sheddin tears n beggin for forgiveness, its all transparent.. im very indirectly affected cuz ive gone thru sumthin similar to tis before, but tts another story..