we fought bad, we weren't talkin for the whole dae eventhough we were at the same place together..had to talk thru to solve the problem but i was only ignored to a point tt tears jux flowed.. nvr tot it wld come to tt.. if only i knew.. if only i had listen.. guess i was too stubborn, too over-protective.. honestly, i was woryin bout whether there was gonna be drinkin which will lead to smokin so i ended up goin for all the wrong reason..

the dae after was a little better cuz we started talkin though there was a clear sign saein "dun wanna talk bout it".. but i kept askin whether i cld ask bout sumthin but i was turn down the entire time.. it made me feel so restless cuz i wanna do sumthin bout it yet i cant.. yar, useless n hopeless too..

tt same feelin carried on the whole dae even after prac.. got to noe tt the temptation was irresistable so it happen.. n i was tryin to sae how i feel to sumone else n then i broke down.. cldn't take it.. felt like givin up but i dun wanna lose out.. finally drew huge gasps of air to calm myself down.. apologize for tt cuz i noe i dun have the rite to even feel tt wae..
went home wit more questions, continued askin but same thing happen.. was rainin quite heavily.. got a chance to get closer.. longin for tt.. sat for awhile but still not talkin.. saed our goodbyes, only replied by a tiny smile.. waved..

got home, chatted on the phone, finally saed tt it was time to clear the air.. nvr did i realise my escalating mistake of not being open to other ppl's feelin until it was mentioned.. apologize but stop to hear more of wats to come.. more tears splattered by.. saed alot more stuff than i had in mind..

asked for another chance but had to answer to another question before i get the answer i wan.. didnt wanna give tt bit of looseness but there was a certain insistence of wantin it.. cried harder then.. hard as it is, i knew i had to.. but i negotiate further, subtly.. came to terms.. habits dun die easily but hopin it will happen sooner.. 3 buddins a dae, not regular, there's a big chance of stoppin.. i have to help, dun jux expect sumthin to happen out of the blue.. give encouragement n motivation, most importantly moral support n love..

now it'll be hard to witness the most dreadful 'event' happenin infront of my eyes.. or noein it is happenin even behind.. can things go back to wat it was before? no wait, move along now.. dun hold on to the past..